Misc Thoughts

The absent presence

By on mars 15th, 2010

Long have I lived to idealize the meaning of love. Not until it vanished from my grasp I knew its true colors. Rigorous as it was at that time I could not foresee its true value, hence the feel of loss was exaggerated within me.

Aggravation, the slight touch of emptiness became the center of my attention and consequently all and all that came to me was that slight touch of emptiness. Why? I ask. Because if one stares at one black spot on a big white board, soon all one sees is that black spot and the rest becomes unimportant, trivial, insignificant.

After some time one gets to learn that the absence of that emotional feel is kind of suitable with the way of life one has enchanted. And the everyday way of the everyday say becomes particular.

Speak when you’re spoken too, love when you are loved is a lame excuse to hold back from our true nature. Love always or forever hold your tongue.

Due time we come to see the loss of a love as a bittersweet memory that we due time pick out and reflect upon, because due time weather you like it or not you will reach acceptance. And if not, you have not yet to grasp reality. These reminisces often do not come to you as a reflection due to spear time, but as it is brought up by friends or moments we come across that either speaks of experience or just the topic of love.

But what happens within us when we come to the emotional state when the absent feel of love becomes a present longing for it?

Selective perception: When we see nothing else then the cravings for love. As we do not get to embrace its touch in the delicate manner we see from within us. When one has everything, one desires what one has not. Except the thing we cherish the most. In a way of irony everything else becomes meaningless. Why is that we crave only for what we have not and embrace the sand that falls through our fingers and not the one kept in our palms.

In the end we usually come to conclusion that things aren’t as dull or empty as we perceive. Because there are lots of things we do have that enriches our lives.
And who am I to complain?
Yet if I don’t my presence will be an absence and if my presence will be an absence then for someone else my absence will be present.

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Soheil Honarmand
Gothenburg / Skellefteå

When asked "where are you from"? I always like to say "where I'm from is not as important as where I am and where I'm going". I like to see myself as a person of earth. Not bound to the boarders/lines (borderline?) set around countries. I believe in being a good person. You know. One of those who always try to do what's right. Even if it means doing something wrong believing it's the right thing. We learn, and we evolve. I am a creative person. My mind sometimes wanders off and I love sharing those moments with people around me which most of the time results in "life happens". "If not now, then when?" Is a sentence that's got stuck in my head lately. Makes me more of a go getter. Because if not now, then when? In the name of enjoying the things in life: Let's do this!